Did I Cause the Cancer? Releasing the Illusion of Control and Choosing Self-Compassion

Did I Cause the Cancer? A Truth I Had to Unlearn

There’s a question I wrestled with silently for a long time after the cancer entered my life:

Did I cause it? Did I bring this on myself?

It’s not a question I asked out loud in the beginning. It was too heavy. Too raw. Too personal. But in the quiet moments—especially after the surgery, especially during the years of trying to make sense of it all—that question would return.

It wasn’t about whether I ate the “right” things or used the “wrong” products.
It was deeper than that.

I wondered:

• Was it the trauma I experienced in childhood?

• The way I carried emotional pain, silently, for years?

• Was it living in a near-constant state of stress, fear, or trying to survive?

• Did I live in such “dis-ease” that it eventually became disease?

Part of me believed: Yes, maybe I did contribute to the conditions that allowed cancer to grow.

But here’s the most important truth I’ve come to:

There’s a difference between contributing conditions and personal fault.
And self-blame isn’t just unhelpful — it’s untrue. I did the best I could do at the time with what I knew.

Understanding the Difference Between Trauma and Fault

I believe the body is deeply intelligent. I believe that trauma lives in our cells, and that the mind, body, and energy system are profoundly interconnected.

I believe that growing up with emotional wounds, unprocessed pain, and a constant survival state can create conditions of imbalance. A life of dis-ease can quietly become disease over time.

And I also believe that a genetic predisposition may have played a role. I’ll never fully know what “switched on” the cancer. But I’ve come to accept this:

Even if certain conditions were present…
even if trauma shaped my biology…
the cancer was never my fault.

That’s the difference between understanding and blaming.
Between awareness and shame.

Why Self-Blame Shows Up

Blame can feel like control. If I caused it, maybe I can fix it. Maybe I can prevent it from happening again. Maybe if I figure out what I did wrong, I can feel safe.

But self-blame doesn’t protect us.
It just deepens the wound.
It disconnects us from the very thing we need most: self-compassion.

What Helped Me Heal the Self-Blame

1. DEEP (Depth-Enhanced Emotional Processing)

Through DEEP, I connected with the younger parts of myself still holding pain, fear, and grief. I didn’t judge them. I witnessed them. I reminded them that they did nothing wrong — and that was the beginning of real release.

2. EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique)

Tapping helped move the belief out of my body, not just my mind. I used phrases like:

“Even though I believed I caused the cancer, I now know the difference between trauma and blame. I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

Each round softened the grip of guilt.

3. Radical Self-Compassion

I stopped speaking to myself with judgment.
I began to treat myself as I would a dear friend.
That shift — from judgment to compassion — opened the door to healing.

What I Know Now

I know that the conditions in my life shaped me — but they didn’t define me.

I know that the cancer didn’t belong to me, and never will.
I know I did nothing to deserve it.
And I know that healing comes not from figuring out what to blame, but from letting go of blame altogether.

There’s room for complexity.
I can hold awareness of what shaped my body…
and still release myself from judgment.

Journal Prompts for Reflection

• What do I believe caused the cancer? How does that belief feel in my body?

• What’s the difference between understanding my story and blaming myself for it?

• What would it feel like to forgive myself for something that was never actually my fault?

Final Words

If you’ve ever asked yourself whether you caused the cancer, you’re not alone.

It’s okay to wonder. It’s okay to search for meaning.
But you don’t have to carry the weight of blame.

You did the best you could with what you knew.
You survived things no one should have to.
And you are worthy of peace, healing, and freedom — right now.

Letting Go and Returning to Love

So if you've been carrying this belief — that somehow your thoughts, energy, or past emotions caused your cancer — I want to gently invite you into a new belief:

💗 “I am not to blame for what happened to me. I am responsible only for how I choose to heal from here.”

That’s where your power lives now — not in obsessively trying to prevent illness, but in showing up for yourself in love, one moment at a time.